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Founder & Sexologist

I believe love is the sun of the soul. With love in our hearts to light our way we are never lost, only exploring. 

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How to Attract Your Soul Mate


“He visto un ángel” by Andrés Nieto Porras

There are many ways to attract a soul mate. There are books that contain psychological methods and practical methods; like changing your hair, or wardrobe, or even how you move and speak. There are also books that contain spells and magical techniques to attract that soul mate. But both of these methods are ineffective; their results are short lived and unfulfilling.

For example, let’s say that you decide to change how you look. It doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman, gay or heterosexual, let’s say you buy a whole new wardrobe and you begin to use psychological techniques to flirt and so on. And so, you start to get results. You start a relationship with someone and everything is going great. You are liking the new you and so does this person. But then, you get to know each other more, you start to learn more about each other, and suddenly the fire and excitement that was there starts to wane. Suddenly, love is not there and then you think this is not your soul mate. Disappointment, sadness, and frustration ensues. Why did this happen? Well, because you were trying to be someone you really are not. When relationships begin or are based on falsities, it is bound to fail. But because a relationship failed it does not mean that we can’t learn something from it.

The second example is very popular in certain cultures: using magic to attract love. So, let’s say that you find a great spell to use on someone you really really like. You start doing the magical work and little by little this person starts to reciprocate your affections. A relationship starts and you are happy. But then, things in the relationship start to go downwards. You begin to fight and maybe there is even infidelity. You turn back to magic. This method is ineffective, harmful, deceptive, and negative. This type of love and happiness is not real. This type of love is an illusion, it does not even count as love because it is forced. You have to keep using magic and keeping the person under your spell to maintain this false love. Now, there are instances where magic can be used to aid you in finding love, but there won’t be any methods in this blog that are aimed to make someone love you.

So how do you attract your soul mate? I think it is a mixture of the aforementioned methods, but the right elements. It is not about changing who you are, but about uncovering who you are. And it is not about controlling love or making someone love you, but about letting love find you. Before you start trying to attract a soul mate, you need to be aware of a few things. Number 1 is that there are many different types of soul mates and that there are good soul mates and bad soul mates, or light soul mates and dark soul mates. (We’ll go into details on the light and dark soul mates in another post. Search the blog category soul mates, for more.) Number 2 is that you are number 1, meaning that you come first.

In order to bring into your life that special person, you need to put yourself first. It sounds a bit counterintuitive and selfish, but if you are a disheveled mess you will attract a disheveled mess; and be honest, is that what you want? There are different aspects to yourself. You are a physical being existing in this physical and solid world. You are someone who thinks, dreams, and hopes, meaning that you have mental and psychological faculties; it means that you have emotions. You have a soul. All of these different aspects of yourself require attention. (Read how love moves through these parts of yourself here.)

You’ll find that most of the advice offered on the topic encourages and insists that you be positive about finding a soul mate. Phrases like “Love yourself” are common and repeated ad nauseam. The truth is that sometimes we don’t love ourselves. Sometimes we hate who we are and how we look. The truth is that with everything going on in the world and with all the difficulties we may be dealing with in our day-to-day lives, it can get hard to maintain positivity. Sometimes in reading books that contain this type of advice one might get discouraged because it all seems so out of reach, because it seems like this type of love only exists in romance novels and lands of rainbows and unicorns. But you don’t need to be perfect or completely happy and fulfilled to find that meaningful soul mate. The last thing you need to be aware of, number 3, is your expectations. Being aware of your expectations, in turn being aware of what you want, allows you to find love in this present reality, allowing this love to last for a very long time once it is found. It means that maybe he won’t have that six-pack and that maybe her smile will not be perfect. But it also means that the right person will reach you and that you will be able to have a meaningful and loving relationship.

The most important thing is number 1 (technically number 2, but really it is you) and that means putting your life and yourself first. This does not mean that you start pushing people out of your way and running them over with your car. No, this means that you put your energy and focus into what you love to do. It means putting your life in order, organizing your responsibilities however you see fit and however you want to do so. Taking care of yourself also means letting go. You have to let go of the negative things in your life. Sometimes getting rid of certain negativity is not easy or possible. Simply analyzing and understanding why these things are in your life is enough and won’t keep you from your soul mate. Once you begin to fulfill yourself you will begin to see changes in your life. If you can put yourself first and no feel guilty or not over do it, the next step is to adjust your expectations.

The most common and dangerous expectation that people have when looking for their soul mate is that he or she will make him or her happy; that once that special person is found everything will be better and good. This way of looking at things is unrealistic and dooms everything. The truth is that just because you found your soul mate it does not mean that everything will be an eternal sunshine. Soul mates face challenges like all other relationships. Another person cannot fix what you have inside, not unless you fix it yourself. At most, your partner can point out the dark spots within you. And that is both good and helpful.

In order to find love sometimes all that is required is for the heart to wish for it. That is where it all begins, in the heart.

Namaste, friends.

Photo Credit: Melissa Portan

Photo Credit: Melissa Portan

#soulmatelove #howtofindyoursoulmate #attractyoursoulmate #soulmates #soulmate #findingyoursoulmate


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