Today I saw myself in the mirror. As I looked myself up and down, I felt more myself than I have in many years. Sure, some things are different; shorter hair, a little extra here and there, but there, in that reflection I recognized myself, the one I used to know. I didn't realize, I don't think it's possible to, but I didn't realize how long it's been, how far I've gone and yet how little, if at all, I’ve moved. I didn't realize the passing of time. In this life it's hard to recognize the cycles, the patterns of one’s soul. And so, I didn't realize that I had become stuck, lost in a cycle of distance, not from anybody else or anything else but from myself.
Simply being alive and in this physical body, in this physical reality, with the constant turnings of the Moon and the Sun, it is difficult to track those internal changes and the passing of time. It is so, at least for me. I often forget my age and never feel my actual physical age. Time to me feels different than what most seem to experience. It is an interesting, if not strange, sensation to exist within the confines of physical time and yet be aware of its eternity. All this to say that I didn't realize how long ago I had actually been myself.
The measure that I have always used to calculate my "selfness" is my writing. Part of the reason of this internal distancing is school. Preparing myself to do the work that I want to do, to fulfill my dreams and goals takes time and energy. Somehow, despite still being in school, I think I have a better handle on my energy, enough to feel it within myself and to put it out there through these posts.
Writing beneath the night's stars and the full Moon feels right. The mind plays a trick of always wanting to be somewhere else; in the future, in the past, but never here. And tonight, as I write this, I feel like I am truly on time.
After a long slumber, it can only be expected that waking be difficult and slow. And so I have been writing and creating for months now, yet nothing has made it to you. That's because it's a process and it takes time.
The process of creating, of coming back to myself has been arduous but it has yielded new connections and projects. One of the most exciting projects I am now working on is a podcast where I discuss spirituality, sex, and relationships with my co-hosts (who are also my co-workers). Visit the Eye Of Luna Podcast Team page to learn a little more. The first episodes will go up at the end of January and I am excited for this launch. With that, we have a YouTube channel that will soon have related content, as well as new and separate videos. So, overall, new things are arising and I hope you stick around to see them.