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Melissa Portan MSW, MEd

Writer & Sexologist

Melissa is a 5th generation spiritual guide and healer who specializes in helping others find their own spiritual path. She is also a sex and relationship therapist practicing in NYC.

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I've Got Nothing

I've got nothing, that's what I last said to her. I couldn't tell her what I really wanted to. I had to keep my mouth shut or else risk the truth getting out. The truth got out anyway.

***

My wife was a beautiful woman, red-haired, soft brown eyes, curvy lips, wide hips, and tits made of dreams. She had a big smile. Her laugh was free and wild. My jokes tickled her and often caused her to blush. I enjoyed her, I enjoyed having her as my companion, having her laugh at my jokes. I enjoyed having her support, her affection, her passions.

The years passed and we grew closer together. At least, I thought we did. She knew everything about me. She knew my favorite foods and how to perfectly cook them. She knew what T.V. shows I loved, even my favorite characters, and she knew when I was upset. She was golden and I loved her. I treasured her.

"Mark, come to bed will you?" she moaned in my ear as she walked past me. I was sitting in the living room, on the couch, on my laptop. I couldn't turn down such an offer, so I followed her to bed.

She was in bed, beneath the covers, eyes shut. When I saw her there, when I saw this sleeping beauty in my bed, I became angry. My boxers, loose as they were, quickly had become too tight for my rigid body; yet there she was, asleep, uncaring of the effects of her coquetry. I moved angrily towards the bathroom instead and prepared for a frustrated sleep.

When I returned to our bedroom I shut off the light and slipped into bed quietly. I laid on my back and in trying to adjust the blanket my hand brushed my wife's body. She was naked. I let my hand rest on her belly and I let it lightly move up to the underside of her breast. What a horrible tease of a wife I had. I was too angry to keep exploring her body, so I turned my back to her and rested on my side. I was drifting away to sleep like an angry child who had been crying for hours after being denied his toy, when I felt her moist lips on my neck.

"I'm surprised you gave up so easily," she half laughed into my ear and that was when I lost control. I turned around and took her.

The next day she couldn't walk right and I was proud of my handiwork. I was in my office reminiscing of her moans and screams of lust. I called in my secretary. She came in and we went through our Monday routine. She bent over my desk, lifted her skirt, and I did my job. I loved my wife and I loved my secretary. Cliche perhaps, but sometimes the heart cannot decide and I think it is cruel to deny someone love for the sake of simplicity.

A few weeks later, during a quiet summer night, I walked into our living room. I was tired from work and all the extra effort I had put out that day. I walked in and I remember clearly being startled when I saw my wife there, silently crying. She was holding my laptop which I had forgotten that day. I knew what she had found.

"How could you do this to me?" She got up and threw the laptop onto the couch, causing me to wince at the thought that my expensive laptop might break. "How could you do this