Melissa Portan MSW, MEd

Writer & Sexologist

Melissa is a 5th generation spiritual guide and healer who specializes in helping others find their own spiritual path. She is also a sex and relationship therapist practicing in NYC.


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Magic and Love Part 2: Sex

You have love, the romantic type of love, and it eventually leads to the beautiful joining of two bodies. Sex is where two individuals lose themselves and become a whole. Unfortunately, not everyone experiences this all-encompassing sensation of oneness during sex and it is even natural for it to not happen always. For those who have experienced a strange sense of falling through the universe during sex, pleasant as it is, disappointment can sometimes follow when it doesn’t happen. But I’m just saying, it is normal that not every union be beyond this world. But, what is that feeling? What is that thing we sometimes feel that makes us question the foundations of reality? (In part one of this post, we discuss what love and magic are and how we can distinguish them.)

In sex, when suddenly the world feels lighter and the person you’re with seems a little different, if not a lot much more amazing, is when the world of magic starts to spill into the world of sex. The energy of that magic, of that focus, whether it is on your partner or on how you feel for him or her, combined with the strength of your love, starts to affect your sexual experience. One way to think of it is as dominoes. Love is the first domino to fall. Love is that deep affection you feel for this other person, the admiration, and desire. And it is your desire that focuses your energy, your magic if you will, onto this person. And that desire, turns into arousal, which in turn leads to sex. So, with all that energetic buildup, you go into your sexual union. It is when you let go of your logical mind that these three energies combine freely to cause a state of universal awareness. At that moment, or in those moments, the world becomes more vivid, your soul becomes palpable, and your hearts beat as one.

Sometimes, when the union is that intense and the stars align, meaning when everything happens perfectly and spontaneously, the lovers can have deep spiritual experiences. Here again is where magic starts to happen. Again, what is magic? It is the altering of reality, the focus of energy to alter reality. Altering reality can be as simple as having a glimpse of the other layers of reality. Magical moments during sex can be when one person or the other has vision, sees divinity, or sees the other’s soul. The reason I am calling it magic now is because this result was brought about by focus, whether that focus was a conscious one depends on the person. And this is now the territory of sex magic and even Tantra.

How is this magic? These special experiences become magic when there is focus, when there is a focused intent to cause something. Whether that intent is to become closer to your partner, or to see the other side, it becomes magic when it is practiced with faith/belief that it will be. The key to practicing magic is the mind. The mind is the first obstacle to overcome when delving into these things, because the mind will bring up excuses, explanations, and contradictions. The logical and scientific mind will deny synchronicities and call them coincidences. The logical mind needs to be balanced with the free and creative mind. The one thing that can open a mind is love. Love for someone will open new horizons in someone’s eyes. Think of the things you like now because your partner introduced you to them. In a similar fashion, love opens the soul’s energies and this is how you can attract love. The moment these intimate experiences begin to affect the rest of your life in a positive and desired way, is the moment when your magic has come into fruition. Sometimes we do this naturally and without thinking about it. If this is interesting to you, then awareness is where to begin. Being aware of the invisible connections, the invisible dominoes in your life that have put you where you are, is how to begin your spiritual practice.

What if you have never experienced anything like we have described here and you want to start? I know that thus far I have only been talking about situations that include a couple. So, do I need to be in a relationship to experience any of this? Nope. But we’ll leave that for later post in what is turning out to be a series. The second what if some of you might be considering is the what if I’m gay? That also doesn’t matter. Again, another post. I just don’t want you to think that these experiences and practices are exclusive to a certain type of individual. Sex magic, Tantra, love magic, uses at its core love. We can all love, can’t we?


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