Melissa Portan MSW, MEd

Writer & Sexologist

Melissa is a 5th generation spiritual guide and healer who specializes in helping others find their own spiritual path. She is also a sex and relationship therapist practicing in NYC.


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Sex as Something More than Sex


Sex is how humanity has lasted for thousands and thousands of years. Sex is how one expresses love for another. Sex can also be just another sport. Aside from these three functions of sex, there is one more. Sex can function as a bridge to the spiritual world regardless if you are alone are in a relationship. Meaning that sex can help awaken the consciousness to deeper realities and it can connect souls not only on a physical level but a spiritual level too.

For ages religions have condemned sex and repressed sexuality. Why that is is a very hefty topic, filled with arguments and insults, and contradictions. I don’t consider sex as a sin and nothing in this blog will condemn the different aspects of sexuality. There are, however, sexual perversions and that is not what this blog is about. Sex is like everything else in the world; it has a positive side and a negative side. One could say a side of light and a side of darkness. Finding spirituality, comfort, and knowledge in sex is about finding harmony in it. It is about finding balance between the carnal pleasures that sex provides and the wisdom it can bestow.

You cannot remove the sex from the pleasure you extract from it, nor should you do so. It is when sex becomes only about pleasure that it becomes base and not beneficial. Again, a balance needs to be found in order for life to be fulfilling, for sex to feel good and right. This means that it is okay to have sex simply to enjoy its pleasures. ( Personally, I believe that if sex is to be part of a spiritual practice then it should be practiced only with a partner you love or alone. But everyone does as they see fit and I am no judge. In another post I will explain my idea further.) When you go into sex with only the intention of receiving pleasure your consciousness, in other words your mind, is not open to the possibility of finding new knowledge. It all begins with the mind. Revolutionizing sex in your life starts with your perceptions of it.

So, how can sex be something more? And what more can it be? You keep mentioning knowledge but what knowledge is there to be gained? The kind of knowledge and wisdom one can gain through practicing sex as something more than carnal needs is spiritual or metaphysical. It relates to what is beyond technical knowledge, which eventually becomes out dated, and to the big questions of life. Matters of the soul and life can be understood and unraveled through sex. How? Here is when sex starts to become something more. Through a meditative state that is amplified by the intensity of sex, or by the raised sexual energy, certain thoughts begin to enter the mind. When you think of sex as being something more than sex, when you think of it as being more significant than the moment of orgasm, is when it does become something more; that is when your mind begins to bloom and your senses begin to perceive more. Think of it as being a way to connect, to connect to the universe, to your partner, to higher consciousness, and so on. After changing the way you think of sex, either with your partner or with yourself (masturbation), coincidences happen outside of the bedroom that guide you to whatever answer you seek. And so, in this way, you get more out of sex than just a momentary bliss. This happens because the mind affects our reality, our world, and our energies become stronger and attract whatever is needed to achieve the set goal or to answer the posed question. This is also where the boundary between regular sex and sacred sex begins to vanish. Sacred sex is about feeling the motions of the universe within you as you move. It is about feeling the connection between yourself and the world, yourself and your partner, and yourself and divinity.

Love is a powerful force. When love is shared between a couple it creates beauty in the person’s life. Light and positivity surround the couple. It is this goodness that love brings that can be intensified during sex. Sex can connect souls, but only if that is the intention and if the awareness is there. In this way, sex can be more than a physical unifier. This is how a more profound bond can be built with your partner. Here you gain knowledge of each other, you get to know each other more, and you learn more about love.


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