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Soul Mate and Twin Soul Relationship Misunderstandings

“Loving Sunset” by Leo Hidalgo

People often search for their soul mate, for the one, for the other person that they will spend the rest of their life with. Some believe that soul mates are intricately weaved into our destinies, other dismiss the whole idea as wishful thinking. I believe that there is such a thing as destiny but that there is also space within that destiny, that we can affect our destiny, and that we can choose where we want to go. The popular belief is that soul mate relationships last forever and are easy. Only half of this belief is true. It is true that soul mate relationships are easy, but by easy I mean that they come naturally and bonds are formed effortlessly. Soul mate relationships, like all relationships, have obstacles and deal with struggles; such as, infidelity, disagreements, hate, sex related problems, and so on. Those that are in a relationship with their soul mate may find that they solve their issues together and perhaps swiftly.

Pop culture has confused and diminished the meaning of the term soul mates. Many even use the phrases my other half or my better half when referring to their partner who is their soul mate. Others use the terms twin soul, twin flame, and twin rays interchangeably with the term soul mate. It is a mistake, a common mistake and misunderstanding. It is not that the twin soul relationship is superior to the soul mate relationship but that they are different and come with different things. The most profound and annoying misunderstanding when it comes to soul mates and twin souls is the omission of the theory of or belief in reincarnation. The belief in either the existence of soul mates or twin souls brings with it the implication of reincarnation if not the absolute belief in reincarnation. You cannot have a soul mate in this life and feel like you’ve known them before, and before being before this present life, before this present awareness, and dismiss reincarnation because then this whole idea just does not make sense and it is unbalanced. How can you know someone you’ve never met? You cannot, especially if the idea of reincarnation is dismissed. When most people throw around the term soul mate around there tends to be very little talk or consideration of the actual soul and even less talk of reincarnation. Whether you believe in twin souls or soul mates, these two types of relationships are based on the belief of reincarnation. Without reincarnation, there is only one lifetime for the couple to unite and build a bond that feels intimate beyond what is normal or average. Without reincarnation there is little purpose to these types of relationships. There is nothing else but what it is, what the relationship is, and the love the couple experiences. Love is so profound and complex, full of light but also  darkness, that a single lifetime is not enough to learn and understand it entirely, and that if it even is possible to do so. Also, we are all so complex that one lifetime may not be enough to know one another completely.

What is the purpose of a soul mate relationship? What is the purpose of the twin soul relationship? Well, then, if we are going to ask these questions, we should also ask this question: what is the purpose of any relationship? The purpose of any relationship is to expand the consciousness, to expand your own consciousness. For the romantic relationships this means to expand your understanding of love. But what for? Why? Why expand your consciousness? The term enlightenment is another thing that is misunderstood and easily thrown around nowadays, but that is for another post, and it is for enlightenment that these relationships exist. But not only romantic relationships contribute to the elevation of your soul, but all kind of relationships. Relationships that bring difficulties and negativity, familial relationships, friendships, the relationship between you and nature, between you and animals, all contribute to your consciousness, to your awareness and whether it expands or contracts. The purpose of relationships is to elevate your soul. Elevating the soul is not easy and it does not just happen. And though there are gurus and teachers and books and pages like this one, no one can verify your enlightenment, no one can tell you when you are enlightened, and I do not entirely believe that you can yourself say when you are enlightened.

Sometimes, a couple that believes they are soul mates or someone that thinks he or she has found his or her soul mate, does not think about enlightenment or reincarnation, nor does he or she or they have a spiritual practice in place. And that is not a horrible offense. Everyone is in a different place on the evolution of their soul. Everyone is going through different soul cycles and learning different life lessons, some are atheists and that is fine. It is possible to have a fruitful, beautiful, deeply gratifying relationship without considering heavy spiritual theories. Soul mates find each other every day without thinking each other soul mates or even without believing in soul mates.

There is an internal, profound, and beautiful desire in most to find a fulfilling, lasting, and complete union. For some this desire to feel whole is manifested as an intense love for God or an intense thriving to rejoin what many now call Source or to dedicate themselves entirely to their spiritual path. For others this desire to feel whole means shunning the world and keeping to themselves, preserving themselves, or building themselves up. But for most this desire to be whole manifests in the search for a romantic partner to share the rest of their life with. Some search for their soul mate, some search for their twin, but they are always looking. There is a massive misunderstanding about relationships, either twin soul or soul mate, that causes pain and suffering. It is both the belief that the relationship is meant to last forever and/or that if difficulties arise or the relationship is not going well it is because it was not meant to be. When we start thinking and talking about what is meant to be and what is not meant to be we start veering off course, we start going into a very elevated and very enlightened level of thinking. What I mean by this is not that it is good but that to understand what is meant to be and what is not meant to be is the work of higher consciousnesses. Most of the time as we go through life experiencing relationships and struggling we are not able to understand why things happen. In order to understand what is meant to be and what is not meant to be there needs to be a sort of detachment from the situation itself, from yourself if only momentarily. To think of what is meant or not meant to be is to think in terms of the creator, of your creator, whoever whatever that may be. And if you are going to think in this way when it comes to relationships you need to consider why and what you gained or are gaining from this relationship. It is like looking at yourself in the mirror to gain perspective. The huge and painful misunderstanding happens when someone thinks like this: our relationship was meant to be but he is hurting me so much (or) this was clearly not meant to be, I am leaving. Without serious meditation, without a spiritual base from which to look at your life, without honest questioning/analyzing it is not possible to see if it was meant to be or not. Secondly, most say it was not meant to be when things are not going as they wished, which is presumptuous and devalues their experiences, it is like their life or years of their life was wasted by someone else or by their own mistake and little is learned; in this case, when little is learned and the experience is dismissed in this way, a cycle of repetition begins and the same thing, the same types of relationships are experienced, keeps happening. And considering the belief of reincarnation, the same type of relationships, experiences, repeat themselves through lifetimes while the person’s consciousness remains at the same level, until the lesson finally clicks.

“Storm in Cup” by Juliana Coutinho

Let’s look at this specific situation: A person, can be a woman or man, believes he or she found his or her soul mate. They become a couple, everything is good and they are happy. They get married, live together, and things are still going well. But then, differences or difficulties start to challenge the couple. The person that thought he or she had found his or her soul mate begins to think, “This is not working, clearly this is not my soul mate.” He or she leaves the relationship, time passes and then again he or she finds another and falls in love. Then again, the relationships withers and they separate. Again he or she thinks, “This is not working, when will I find my real true soul mate?” This person is making a mistake and it is a simple misunderstanding, his or her suffering is all do to a simple lack of information. What this person is looking for is the twin soul, his one true partner, but is totally misinformed and unprepared. Therefore, he or she keeps going through the same thing over and over again, bouncing from one relationship to another, suffering and hurting, or worse, comfortably blissful in the belief that it was not meant to be and so it is okay, that he or she will eventually find the one.

The widespread confusion here is that there is only one soul mate and that that relationship lasts forever, or at least, for the entirety of this lifetime. There is not only one soul mate, there are many soul mates. (Read on the different types of soul mates here.) There are different kinds of soul mates and for everyone there is something to be learned and experienced. Twin souls also have relationships with soul mates, even if they have found their twin.

A relationship is more fruitful when you give what you have to give and when you live it to your limit. That is what is meant to be, you are meant to live your life, to experience and be present in your relationships as much as you can be, as much as you want to be, and to take from this life everything that you can and keep it within your heart.


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