Melissa Portan MSW, MEd

Writer & Sexologist

Melissa is a 5th generation spiritual guide and healer who specializes in helping others find their own spiritual path. She is also a sex and relationship therapist practicing in NYC.


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Twin Souls: Sacrifice

It is a poignant aspect of the twin soul relationship; the deep splitting ache when separated or at odds. Everything requires a sacrifice. In everything we do and in every relationship, we make sacrifices, some bigger than others. The twin soul relationship hides nothing and the soul is bare to the other’s eyes. It is a demanding relationship on a level that had never been experienced. The twin soul love is absolutely beautiful, I don’t know how else to put. The way one gives himself for the other, the way one patiently and agonizingly waits for the other, the way they tear at each other only to build each other up, makes for a most beautiful love. It is the selflessness of the relationship, the dedication that both partners show towards each other, that many find so attractive. Sometimes this selflessness is idealized and unrealistic and even misunderstood by those not in a twin soul relationship. But it is that undying love that moves between the couple that is the catalyst of a spiritual awakening and an eventual ascension.

The twin soul relationship is very cyclical in nature, if that makes any sense. All relationships are in cycles and some we cannot trace with our level of consciousness. For the twins that meet and are confronted with a spiritual awakening their relationship is more than a physical union, more than the fulfilling of carnal destiny. Their union is to awaken the consciousness and to change something, both within themselves and around them. Within the cycles of union and separation there are what I call themes. Each cycle seems to have a theme. Remember that every relationship is unique and in making these generalizations I might be leaving a few things out. (Refer to other posts in the twin soul category.) When I say themes I mean for example that perhaps the twins go through a period where they are working well together and gaining a lot of spiritual knowledge pertinent to their path, which is usually the same path and beliefs because they come from the same place. Another theme might be jealousy, dealing with other relationships and not having enough time for each other, or it seeming to be the case. In the area of jealousy, many things can happen. For example, in the cycles of jealousy soul mates of each twin soul might appear in each twins’ life, interfering and causing trouble. These are also the periods where the near twin can come in and cause deep doubt between the twins.


photo by Dima Pursanov

There are also intense periods of loss of identity. The period of losing the self in the other twin is most common at the beginning of the relationship and the beginning of a twin soul relationship can last for a year or more.

Losing the self in the other twin is tricky. The twin soul love in this way is sinister. You don’t realize that you have lost yourself in the other person and often the changes in yourself are seen as improvements. But in losing who you really are every choice begins to feel like a sacrifice. Conversely and as negative and hard as this may be, it is a necessary part of the relationship. Moments of tension rise and periods of separation start. These periods are intense and deeply painful because it feels like a part of yourself is being torn and ripped away.

These forced sacrifices make it seem like if one does not accept and do the sacrifice then the relationship will end. These sacrifices seem necessary, they feel necessary, and in a way that may seem contradictory, they are. What does it mean to sacrifice something in a relationship? One example I can give is career path. For example, before meeting your twin you were fully dedicated to your career or your passion. Then you meet the twin and things change, suddenly the focus and what is important in your life begins to shift. Suddenly you have a new perspective and it often seems clearer. Time passes and then you start to miss something. You no longer dedicate as much time to your passion or career or other goals and spend more time on this unified path with your twin. Then you have to make choices. You have to make these hard decisions that begin to feel like sacrifices, like you are giving a part of yourself away to the wind. And that is where we presently are, forced sacrifices. And if you turn towards your own path it is like you are turning your back on your twin, causing the other pain, causing yourself pain, and so on. This is a very generalized example and can apply to different facets of life, but the stages are the same: meet the twin and get lost in each other, change each other to what each considers the best or better, let go of yourself more and unite with the twin from physical to spiritual, begin to feel the loss of identity, and the struggle to gain the identity begins. During these times depression can occur, fights, distancing, spiritual confusion, and other struggles.

This cycle of loss of identity leads into the cycle of sacrifice and that cycle is in turn followed by the cycle of struggling to recover the lost identity. In essence, the twins complete the circle and return to the beginning of their relationship. Sometimes it is like the things that happen in the twin soul relationship are already written on some cosmic paper, that they are inevitable. Whether the events in a twin soul relationship, and even in everything else in life, are inevitable and pre-written I do not know. But the moment the twins realize that they have lost who they truly are and begin to go back to themselves is the moment they begin to truly reunite.

This seems to be the last cycle, the struggle to regain their personal identities, before a complete and definitive reunion. How long a couple takes to get back together and how many cycles a relationship has depends on their situation, their ages (both soul age and physical age), their cycle of meeting (whether it is the first time they meet on the physical or if one is in spirit while the other here in the physical).

Regardless of where the twins are in their relationship and level of consciousness, the loss of identity, as painful and dark as it may seem, is a positive thing. When they lose themselves they realize who they really are and their true identities are solidified. And then they reach a full understanding of their love and universal love, as much as the human body allows universal love to be understood.



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