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Love, Hope, Patience, and the Focus of a Heart

“Ash Tree” by Hana Jang

Often, when searching for love, love is all the heart focuses on. Love is all the heart desires, wishes for, demands, hurts for, and beats for. Something bizarre happens when in love; everything else becomes irrelevant, less important, and the focus of the heart turns to that special person. Regardless of what type of relationship it is and what type of love it is, there comes a point where it becomes everything.

Love is not easy, it is intangible, it takes work, and demands hope and patience. A heart that is in love is always hopeful. When you are in love, you are constantly wishing and hoping that the other person is in love with you too. You constantly hope to see him or her. You hope that he or she will say something to you. This hope, however, can be traitorous.  It can happen, and it often happens, that one falls in love with the other, but that love is not returned. So, what happens is, one person is always pinning after the other, always holding onto the hope that he or she will someday return the love, always thinking about the other. In this case, hope is not a good thing. Constantly hoping that he or she will love you is only painful, time-consuming, and harmful to yourself. But when the love is mutual and it is clear that both love each other, then hope is not harmful. And you become hopeful about every other aspect in life, suddenly things are getting better, or seem like they will get better.

When in love, all patience is lost. Nothing happens soon enough. Nothing happens quickly enough. You don’t see each other often enough, even if you meet everyday. He or she doesn’t pick up the phone fast enough when you call. And when the love turns dark, when love turns to hate, suddenly it seems like it doesn’t end soon enough.

And so, where is the heart? Think of the heart as a compass for the rest of your existence. What your heart focuses on affects the focus of your mind. And when your mind turns away from your work, or passions, or goals, then you begin to steer yourself away from achieving them. That is the point where love becomes all-consuming, as is the common phrase, because then, even friends are left behind and hobbies are dropped to spend more time with the other person. This is important for all relationships, especially for those with spiritual ties like the twin souls and soul mates. When you begin to move away from what you enjoy doing, what you love to do, you begin to lose yourself.

The phrase losing yourself in love can have two meanings: You can be blissfully happy in a relationship or when in love, you can lose your identity. In a way, it is inevitable that you lose yourself when in love with another, especially for twin souls. The danger and harm occurs when you do not recoup yourself, when you do not return to yourself. That is when the relationship falls apart or when it becomes more difficult, regardless of what kind of relationship it is. When you have given so much of yourself to the other person that you no longer do what you used to enjoy, that is when your relationship begins to turn to a responsibility; meaning, something you have to do.

The twin souls go through a phase of losing themselves to each other. It is a mandatory part of their souls’ evolution. I cannot say with certainty, but perhaps many do not complete the phase and so they are not reunited with each other, either by ascension (death) or physical union. When it comes to soul-mates, which are the majority of relationships (yet there are relationships that are not soul-mate relationships), loss of the self is seen as a mandatory sacrifice. Compromises are made and one sacrifices himself or herself more than the other, leading to an unbalanced and unhappy relationship. So, even though they may have met the one, the relationship ends. Of course, there is the extreme opposite of overabundant self-sacrifice, and that is selfishness. In a relationship where one person makes more demands of the other and is consistently asking for more, love fades and what is left is a heavy responsibility. The key is to find balance in the relationship. The way to avoid losing the relationship, to avoid losing that love, is to always keep love of yourself for yourself.

The heart is a vessel. Carry within it the love for your partner, the hopes, dreams and goals that you have for yourself. Carry within you everything that makes you you and love will be abundant.


Photo Credit: Melissa Portan

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