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Melissa Portan MSW, MEd

Writer & Sexologist

Melissa is a 5th generation spiritual guide and healer who specializes in helping others find their own spiritual path. She is also a sex and relationship therapist practicing in NYC.


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Understanding the Question: How do you please a woman?

Many want to know how to please a woman. Pleasing a woman can mean many things. There is sexual pleasure which is physical and there is emotional/mental pleasure which is intangible. There isn’t one single answer to this question. Whether it is a long-term partner or a new partner or even a casual encounter, pleasing your partner is not a simple one-sided thing. Pleasure and satisfaction go together and if we want to please somebody it is because we want them to be satisfied with us, with what we are doing, and eventually with who we are.

Whether you are a man or a lesbian, when it comes to pleasure you have to first understand and clarify what exactly you mean. For example: If we were to take the sentence I want to please my woman and give advice to the person saying it, we could say many things. So first, clarify in what way do you want to please your partner and why do you want to please her. Secondly, why do you feel this need or urgency to satisfy her? The most important question is: why do you feel you need to satisfy her? Do you feel obliged to do so? Do you feel that you have to satisfy her? And if you don’t satisfy her then what do you think will happen or how do you feel about yourself? These are difficult questions that most do not consider and simply continue to try and try pleasing or satisfying their partners, either making it worse or not getting anywhere.


“Rainy Day” by