Sex and love are often meshed together and at other times are at odds with each other. If there is confusion about whether sex and love are related then these things need to be defined, need to be brought down to their basic levels, in order to be understood. In relationships there is often confusion about whether the sex that was just had was love or if it was just sex.
So let’s define these two words and understand them profoundly, intimately, because life varies and things change and nothing is always perfectly clear. Love is a profound caring, a deep affection, for another person. Sex is the physical union between a man and woman, or a woman and a woman, or a man and a man, with or without the intent to procreate and have lovely babies, that is deeply physically satisfying. Love is emotionally satisfying while sex is physically satisfying, this is if we want to just cut the two apart. The confusion begins with the attraction and arousal felt for the other person. Sometimes the arousal and attraction and even being used to another person can be confused for love. So how do you know if the sex was an expression of love?
Note the phrase expression of love. Love can be expressed in many ways and there are different types of love. But love is not sex and sex is not love. Each one, love and sex, is simply one thing, they just are what they are. If love and sex were the same thing, we wouldn’t need two separate words. Sometimes love grows out of sex where there was only passion and attraction. Sometimes sex comes from the intense love that is felt between a couple. However love develops, either before sex or after sex, it is not any less precious. To distinguish between whether or not the act of sex was an expression and manifestation of love, honesty is required. You need to be honest with yourself. Being in touch with yourself and knowing how you feel and what you are thinking and what you want from life and others are things that will allow you to distinguish between sex-sex or love-sex.
Love does not only manifest through sex. There are other ways you can express your love and other ways he or she can express love. Is this person there for you outside of the bedroom? Has he or she done other gestures that are not tied to sex? Ask yourself these questions and others and answer them with honesty. It is better to live in truth than always be doubting and confused. During sex there are ways to know if love is powering the motions of the body. There is compassion in his touch. There is compassion and selflessness in her movements. People often deny the importance and the accuracy of feelings, intuition, and instinct. During sex, what do you feel? Do you feel lost in the physical pleasures or do you feel lost in the internal pleasures? Become aware of the distinction, are you overwhelmed with his or her sexual prowess/ability or are you overwhelmed by it just being who it is?
The eyes are the windows to the soul. Look into your partner’s eyes. During arguments, during sex, during everyday conversations, love will be present for you if there is love for you. You will see that compassion, that concern, that pain if you are arguing, that deep passion. During sex, is there only passion? is there only arousal? Are your eyes met by his? Are your eyes meet by hers?
To see the truth in situations of deep confusion you need to surrender your desires of what you want to be. You need to let go of what you want your relationship to be and see what it is. Then, you can decide if it is right for you or not.
Namaste.
